How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
