she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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