but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
