um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
