idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
