I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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