I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
