i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
