two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You don't make any sense
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