i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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