Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
