The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
