nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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