And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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