He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
