he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
whose ass print is on the piano?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize