You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
