I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
