i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
