Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
