I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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