I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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