I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
