she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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