is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
