waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
