Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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