And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
