i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just threw up on my dentist
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
