Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
