i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
pop tarts are not kleenex
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
