I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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