you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
