i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
