My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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