So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I still have a little drunk in my system
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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