At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
