dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
