I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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