his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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