Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
