remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
