the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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