if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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