he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
