don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
