He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
