As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
