I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
