I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
