We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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