I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
