Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
