I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
