After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
