I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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