Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
