my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
