I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
