vagina is talking i cant
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
