I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
