i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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