I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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