The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
