ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
