Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
