i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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