Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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