I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
