You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
