We won't sleep together?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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