I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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